so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
