i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
