Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did I show you my penis last night?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
