"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
