Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
