Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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