You smell like a Billy Joel song
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
