afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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