My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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