Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
