I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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