Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
