I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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