I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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