that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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