I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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