it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
