new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
