I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
