i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
