wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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