having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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