Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
