i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl is more easily done than said...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize