Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
