I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
