I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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