dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
