his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
