no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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