I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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