Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
