Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
