were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ruined the universe
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
