So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
