I am in a vortex of obligation.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
