Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im holly from the hills drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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