Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
