my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
