K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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