i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
