If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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