my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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