I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
