so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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