i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
