So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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