OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As shirtless as possible
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
