So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
