you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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