I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
