Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
