You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the day after is always just damage control
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize