On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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