2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i will never coherently bang her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
