I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
