He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
