How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
