your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
