You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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