if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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