I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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