morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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