My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize