Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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