I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
