drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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