Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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