Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
