NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
