Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
